by Ryan Yablonski
From a young age, Ronnie Oliva knew she wanted to be a mother. A Brooklyn child herself, she was raised by a widowed mother and guided by the example of wise mentors in her community. When the time was right to start a family, she decided to apply the lessons learned from those examples and made the uncommon, yet virtuous choice to adopt a child.
“My husband was also ready to go through with the adoption process because he had both biological and step parents. Adopting was something he was very open to because he knew no matter how relatives and loved ones come into your family, they feel like and are family.”
However, that path was much harder than expected, yet through adversity she arrived at a greater appreciation for the importance of adoption and a passion for motherhood.
“When you have decent people who are ready to adopt, I don’t understand why the process is so daunting. There has got to be a better way than waiting months and years for agencies and attorneys. Money should be taken out of the equation.”
Even families with resources can find the private adoption process full of emotional setbacks and legal obstacles. Often, families will spend upwards of $50,000, all the while risking that sum if not approved. Prospective adoptive parents must comply with home studies, background checks, attorney fees, agency fees, website fees, marketing fees, advertisement fees and seemingly endless compliance. Once the finalization process of child placement takes place, there are still background checks, fingerprinting, letters of recommendation, legal fees, and court fees up until the day that the child is officially adopted. As if that wasn’t enough, early in 2024 New York State passed a bill to limit the amount of financial support the State’s prospective adoptive parents could offer to birth mothers, thereby disincentivizing their participation in the adoption process.
Oliva was not one to be dissuaded, however. With an impressive background in business, public policy, and politics, she had the tools to make a change. She and her husband effectively lobbied Governor Hochul to reverse the statute, thereby performing a service for all prospective adoptive parents in New York, and most importantly, to the prospective adoptive children throughout our city that need homes.
“The process is so very onerous, and the emotional roller coaster you embark on you’ve been through means nothing, once you lay eyes on the child. The love is intense and instant and you’re so incredibly appreciative and thankful that all you want to do is make sure your child has a great upbringing and grows up to be the best person possible.”
Now that Oliva and her husband are happily raising their child, her resolve to celebrate motherhood and the importance of adoption has been resolutely affirmed. She says she understands how some people may have reservations about adopting, but stresses that everything that she preconceived before motherhood has changed because there is nothing that compares to the love she feels for her daughter.
“It seems like today so many modern, successful women who are single are getting eggs frozen as if they forgot that the adoption option exists.”
Adoption is an incredibly important but often overlooked way for starting a family at the time when parents are best situated to raise a child. Many women with the means to do so are choosing surrogate pregnancies, which is fine, but ignores the fact that there are so many children who need good families, as well as birth mothers who are seeking adoption to offer their child the best possible life and family. In addition to the continued reform which needs to take place to reduce the hurdles to adoption, there should also be more celebration of it as an utilitarian greatest good for individuals and our community.
“The perfect candidate for an adoptive parent is a person who has immense love to give to a child, a person with resources, patience and time, just a solid person. None of us are perfect, but as long as you are willing to give a child the love and attention he or she needs, you can be an amazing parent.”
Cover Photo Credit: Aidan Grant